Earlier this month, I was driving to church on a Wednesday evening.  This wasn’t just any regular night, there was constant crying, terrible tantrums being thrown, and people who were feeling sorry for themselves.  Does this sound like a toddler?  Or a preteen?  Nope, just me sitting in the driver’s seat of my car.

 I had just left the house where we had gobbled down our dinner and threw the dirty plates into the sink.   I had worked that afternoon, so I was rushed to get dinner on the table and had to argue with the kids to stop what they were doing and come downstairs and hurry up and eat.

We had an early day the next day, so clothes needed to be laid out before we left and lunches had to be packed, but that too was not going to happen.  I knew when I got back home that I was going to have to do all that after everyone was in bed.  The kids could sense the tension and they were fussy, cranky, and irritable… not a pretty sight on tween girls.  At this point in the car the kids were fighting, and I thought to myself, why do I do this?  It makes my life so much harder!  I even said out loud that I didn’t think that it was worth all the time and effort that was required to go to church on Wednesday night.   I was exhausted before we even got there.

I poured back over the day and grumbled how no one helped with dinner, laying out clothes, or packing lunches.  In my mind I felt I was explaining to the kids how they caused the chaos by not helping me when I asked for help and arguing constantly just made life harder.  They enjoy going to their groups on Wednesday nights, but I was frustrated and was blaming their lack of help with the chaos that ensued.

I self-imposed a time out on myself and pouted the whole time I drove to church. I quietly pondered on everything that had happened and just felt sorry for myself.  We made it to church with a few minutes to spare and I walked in with a smile on my face and greeted everyone I walked by.  No one knew the near apocalyptic chaos that had just ensued in my house and car just to drive to church (I really should have won an Academy Award for that performance). After a few minutes with my crew in my pew, we were praising and worshiping.  I was raising my hands and singing to the Lord, when felt the Lord ask, “Why are you here?”

I was a little confused because this is what I was supposed to do and where I was supposed to be, but then he said, “Your worship is tainted by the attitude you had in the car on the way here.” 

Wait……what?

But…I had so much to do! 

Lord, it is not my fault!

It’s not fair…I should be able to whine about it, I’m really tired.

Well… Maybe it was all my fault.

Uggg…

Maybe I didn’t put the right things as a priority in my day and then expected everyone around me to jump in and make those things happen.

Talk about a kick in the gut!

 I knew he was right, as he always is.  My heart leading up to worship was just as important as being there worshiping.   It is not a requirement or what I’m supposed to be doing, but rather a privilege that is denied to many.   I really did not want to admit that the whole thing was my fault, but it was, and I did admit it.

As I prayed for forgiveness and realized that I was the one setting the bad tone in my house, I decided that I was not going to let the enemy sneak in that way anymore.  I was going to stay vigilant and change my thought process.

1 Peter 5:8

Be alert and of sober mind.

 Your enemy the devil prowls around

 like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Determined to seal up those cracks and not let the enemy sneak back in, I came up with a plan.

Instead of squeezing in time for church and being stressed out I reverse planned my day and started with church, work, and homeschool.  Those were the three priorities I had on Wednesday.

 I started off asking myself a series of questions.

What time did we need to leave?

 What time did we need to have dinner to be able to eat normally and be able to load the dishwasher before we left?

 What time did school/work/chores need to be done?

I also found ways to make my life simpler which in the long run helped me better manage my time and family.  My focus became clearer…

In everything you do,

 put God first, and he will direct you

and crown your efforts with success, Proverbs 3:6

Remember, we always have time for the things that we make a priority; what could be a bigger priority than taking ourselves and our families to church to learn about Jesus?